The thing about my depression is that sometimes, I just get really upset and spend a good chunk of time sobbing for literally no reason. Sometimes it’s because the dog I’m caring for is really cute or that someone said some offhanded comment about some random thing. (Legit, part of the reason I kept crying last night was because the two dogs I was taking care of were so cute and I just loved them too much.) But these crying episodes are more often not related to anything that would make many others even a little emotional in anyway.
And every single time something like this happens, I know that it’s ridiculous to be this upset and to be crying essentially over nothing. I’ve constantly thought “why am I so upset?! I shouldn’t be crying this much over this” but that doesn’t stop the constant stream of tears.
I can’t explain this part of my depression to others because I don’t even understand why I’m sobbing over something like a mariachi band playing a song for a beluga. It just happens sometimes and once the tears start, there’s almost no off switch. I wish I could explain this and be able to tell my family what this is like because on top of the incredible sorrow and emptiness that depression creates, I also feel this immense amount of isolation because it feels like no one around me understands why I’m so upset.
The reason I share this and the reason I consistently talk about struggling with depression and anxiety is because I really want there to not be a stigma around mental illness anymore. I want people to empathize and understand that dealing with mental illness can be really difficult. It is all in our heads (that’s literally the entire point) but that doesn’t make it any less valid.