I am a trans person (a nonbinary woman to be exact) and so very queer (some sort of bisexual/ace/aro combination? Not entirely sure but definitely sure about being queer). And every year, National Coming Out Day is a way to celebrate, recognize, and come out as part of the LGBTQ+ community.

To all those wonderful queer people out there, I so love your existence. You’re wonderful and thank you for being so amazing.

There’s no timeline for coming out, no race to transition or be queer. It’s okay if your identity changes when you  learn more about yourself. You don’t need to come out today if you don’t want to or can’t for whatever reason. You’re still valid, still wonderful, still amazing if you’re not out.

Whenever cishet people “come out” as allies on coming out day pic.twitter.com/XvKKbuSQbE

— spooky queer (@contagiousqueer) October 10, 2015

I do want to spend a moment addressing cishet (cisgender AND heterosexual) people who might come out as allies today. Before you do that though, don’t. Don’t do that even once because today’s not about you (and that’s okay). If you truly want to be an ally to the LGBTQ community, don’t make things about you (which is what happens when you come out as an ally). It’s incredibly counterproductive.

Instead of coming out as an ally, share resources that support the community. Talk about how LGBT youth are more likely to be homeless, how to support LGBT elders, how trans women (particularly trans women of color) are more likely to experience violence. Center the voices of LGBT people, amplify our experiences.

Also as an ending reminder, do not out people (either on purpose or accidentally) if you don’t have explicit permission from them. That could be incredibly dangerous for the person you’re outing. When I first was starting to come out, I told a limited amount of people that I trusted, people that I made a huge decision to tell. One of them had accidentally outed me to an acquaintance and I was incredibly nervous how she’d take it. Luckily she took it very well but it was still really difficult for me to process.