My world right now is undeniably defined by my depression but very few have seen anything into what it’s like. Most of the time, I’m able to slap a fake smile and go about part of the day, leading to the fact that my family has seen a few moments here and there of depression and friends have seen even less. It’s not a world I regularly invite others to experience with me because it’s often a place of intense vulnerability for me.
I sleep a lot and I’m always tired. I fluctuate between feeling too much emotion and feeling nothing at all, with almost no in between. When I’m happy, I cry; when I watch videos of cats and dogs and a mariachi band playing to a beluga, I cry; when something emotional happens on a television show I’m watching, I cry. I could be happy, confused, sad, overwhelmed, underwhelmed, a wide variety of things make me cry. And if it doesn’t make me cry, it’s possible I’ll get irritated.