My Depression is Always Present.
Having depression and anxiety has dramatically shaped my life because I’ve struggled with both for almost as long as I can remember. Looking back on my life with a better understanding of mental health has repeatedly revealed that I’ve had depression and anxiety for a long time – my childhood and high school is defined in large part by my mental health.
I’ve also realized that even though I have good days and good weeks where life is a little easier to manage doesn’t mean that my depression is gone or that I’m making it all up. My depression is always here with me – sometimes it’s easier to deal with and other times it’s a lot harder. The good and the bad seem to come in waves and lately, it’s been really hard to get out of bed.
Depression is so much more than just being occasionally sad and there’s so much more to it. I’m often exhausted for no reason, disinterested in almost all hobbies, indecisive. I get angry and frustrated over the smallest issues – entire days have been ruined because I did something like hit my knee on something hard. And yes, all of this can happen in most people. The thing about depression though is that I feel this most of the time. It all comes and goes and some days are better than others. But it’s all still there for me – always present.
I’ve been trying really hard to go about my life and accomplish all the same things I’ve done. But that hasn’t been working and things have been falling through the cracks. I write all of this not to excuse myself from doing better or anything like that – I write it as a reminder to take care of myself and as a way to remind others that you are not alone in your struggle with depression.